We perceive absolutely everything through the “lenses” that we have developed/inherited throughout our life.
There is a lot of talk lately about “binary thinking”, mostly dismissing it as extremely problematic. Yet, do we truly grasp what this actually means, why it is a problem, or even why it happens …?
Binary thinking happens when even complex concepts are overly simplified into two options. The gray area in the middle is ignored or goes unnoticed, mostly quite unconsciously.
While this default may superficially be dismissed as narrow, unthinking, even bigoted, at its most basic level it actually serves a practical purpose in our survival. We all instinctively assess every situation extremely rapidly, to know how to respond if it is an emergency – seeking signals for the need for “fight, or flight”.
At the next level, binary thinking provides clarity, by making complex things simpler. This enables us to make sense of situations, and so to arrive at greater certainty. That may make us feel safe, or more in control, as it is a way of simplifying life into supposedly manageable categories.
The problem is that, the more binary our worldview is, the more difficult it is for us to deal with reality. Reality is just not that simple!
Not only does this over simplification defy reality, but it robs us of the beauty and richness to be found in perspectives that we are unfamiliar or uncomfortable with. Even worse, it results in us needing to defend our position against the very perspectives/people that could enrich our whole life experience greatly.
“Splitting”
Andrew Hartz, a Psychologist, refers to this as “splitting” … a defence mechanism in which people unconsciously frame ideas, individuals, or groups in all-or-nothing terms (e.g., all-good vs. all-bad or all-powerful vs. 100% powerless). It’s a widely used concept in mental health.”
Clearly, this approach is pervasive in our society today.
He clarifies, “People tend to split because they have trouble tolerating “ambivalence,” which in psychology refers to the experience of having conflicting emotions toward the same thing at the same time – for example, acknowledging that we have both strengths and weaknesses. Ambivalence can be anxiety-provoking. In the short term, splitting reduces this anxiety by removing ambivalence and making the world appear simpler and more coherent.” (Andrew Hartz: “Splitting: The Psychology Behind Binary Thinking and How it Limits a Diversity of Opinions”, Forbes, 2021).
Andrew went on to point out the consequences which are currently ripping our society apart: “But, the long-term costs can be severe. Splitting leads us to misunderstand what’s happening around us. It makes it harder to solve problems and predict events … It also makes it hard for people to have productive dialogue, and it works against our shared ideals as a society, like love, peace, justice, and unity …. The potential problems are numerous.”
Is it possible to become more open and nuanced in our way of perceiving reality, or even realities that we are currently unaware of, simply because we have no frame of reference for them?
Lenses
We perceive absolutely everything through the “lenses” that we have developed/inherited throughout our life.
At a Macro scale, this would mean our worldview. Yet, how many people even understand the concept of a “worldview”? Even fewer can clearly articulate theirs …
At a Micro scale, our culture, beliefs, values, experiences, our current peer group, all shape the lens through which we perceive each situation. To what extent are we aware of this process, much less in control of it?
To develop a more nuanced awareness of reality, and so to be able to engage more constructively with people and with Life, we have to intentionally take stock of our lenses, learning to use them consciously and well in every situation. But, how do we even start?
Ways to change our lenses/get “unstuck”
Most are familiar with the benefits of
- Honest input from others
- Stimulating reading
- Travel to unfamiliar/foreign cultures and contexts
- Provocative conversations
- Exposure outside our comfort zone
- Tough life challenges
To what extent are we able to access these, or to engage constructively and so derive the true benefit of the time and cost invested?
Let’s be brutally honest, most of us effectively end up muddling through life in the hope that somehow it will all work out well in the end … as long as we try hard and do our best?!
A transformative experience
That was my approach and sincere commitment until the age of 44, when an extremely radical life experience rocked my world comprehensively in 1998!
I had no adequate lenses to make sense of losing everything that I owned, entirely due to the dishonesty of others …
Where was God?! My friends? Wise counsellors? Anyone to help me to get a handle on the absolute devastation of so much utterly senseless loss and pain!
My amazing wife stood faithfully by me through it all. But, she was in it with me … she had no answers either, while also desperately needing anything to grasp onto.
It was way beyond tough, for many years!
The journey to Life
This 24-year journey has been a consuming quest to cut through all the confusion and accumulated perceptions, to find Truth, a solid worldview on which to build a worthwhile Life.
It has been extremely humbling to realize over and over again how wrong I have been about so many things that I was so certain about … especially my very naïve, simplistic (binary!), confused understanding of God and His ways.
Yet, the truth be told, I had for too long self-righteously felt that I was more reflective than most others are?! Ouch!
Breakthrough
The single biggest contributing event towards this transformation came in 2015 when I received training as a Coach using the CliftonStrengths model. Dries Lombaard’s insights and approach opened up a new world for me … suddenly I had tangible, credible lenses for viewing myself and others in a whole new way! This brought clear understanding of who I am, who I am not (also extremely good to know!), and how to manage that very well.
That soon led to more advanced training in Strengths Coaching, while I learnt to apply the Coaching insights and tools to my own life, especially.
One of the most gratifying affirmations of what was happening in my life came from my adult daughter over an early morning coffee together before the rest of the family had risen, when she simply observed, “Dad, you have changed.” That, coming from her, was a watershed!
Developing a practical model
My journey into trying to systematically assess and make sense of something … in this instance Life itself, and how we are to live optimally, has been through
- dissecting and analyzing my own life journey, ad nauseum and brutally.
- very intentionally studying and reading widely in this field.
- observing numerous other peoples’ journeys, too, many of whom I have coached over the years.
- by focusing on observing life/people, habitually.
- learning to reassess every lens that I use, deeply and authentically – to increasingly move away from binary thinking to a richer, more nuanced view of everything.
And the journey continues … I feel like an absolute beginner on this profound journey called Life. Perhaps that’s a very good thing.
This deep dive has involved me investing a considerable amount of time and emotional energy into reconciling my various Coaching and Mentoring qualifications with my growing revelation of God’s purposes for mankind, as revealed by Him in the Bible – i.e. living from “shalom”(wholeness, wellbeing, peace, rest, safe) irrespective of our current circumstances.
During the Covid lockdowns especially, these have increasingly gelled into a model that am now able to use to assist others on the same journey, in a systematic, structured way.
The results are absolutely life changing, literally down to your DNA level. This approach is soundly based on credible research findings (neuroplasticity & neurogenesis), an exciting recent field in Psychology.
And, the real power of the Optimal Life approach is that is does not focus on performance, or on positive thinking at all.
It is all about transforming how we perceive, not about some new “formula for success”, or trying even harder!
We simply focus on leading you into discovering your true self, which is far more powerful.
… and then, how to live from there authentically and passionately.
It is Time to Give Back
Witnessing firsthand “the lights going on”, Life renewed and relationships/marriage/work starting to come alive, is always profoundly moving.
What an astounding privilege it has been to walk this same journey with so many who also needed someone to be there for them with a sound, proven approach to making sense of Life, and to hold up a light for them to see better by.
That is what I am now formally launching as my new Mentoring and Coaching practice, An Optimal Life. Out of my journey I believe that I have a unique perspective to bring to many, and the time is now.
Alan Ter Morshuizen Life Architect
